all you can do is grit your teeth.

i got home from florida yesterday. it is such a relief to be back in boston. a lot of uncomfortable things happened & i felt isolated a lot, but i did have a couple of fairly straightforward conversations with my dad, which felt good. he drove my sister & me around back roads for a few hours & i was profoundly disappointed to not have a camera with me, to take pictures of my granddaddy's old farm, the tide going out in cedar key, my great grandma's old fishing camp (now sold), the signs for a baptist church in fowler's bluff that say "_______ church: fisher of men." my sister promised that when i'm there next, we will go on a photography expedition.

veganism continues to be a fascinating topic for my family, by which i mean they are astonished that i would choose this diet, & apparently disgusted by the thought of eating anything not seasoned with meat. my grandma, to whom i am sincerely grateful for making me separate portions of everything with no meat seasonings, repeatedly warned everyone else away from these separate dishes: "now those are without meat, you don't want those." she's impressed that i eat greens now, since i hated them when i was younger, & made sure to cook turnip greens for dinner. but i realized why i hated them until i moved away: the southern method of cooking them is to boil them beyond recognition. sick.

old name x843198.

this is the first year my family has not bought me clothes, & instead i came home with useful items such as non-stick skillets & new bath towels. my sister gave me hair clippers. she rules.

i regret not buying a package of green peanuts for boiling. stupid.

today i washed linens, swept the apartment, finally cleaned off my kitchen table & bought groceries for two new recipes. i need to revamp my personal statement for the harvard application, to mail on monday morning. i'm tired of doing applications. i'm really scared about making decisions about the next 5-7 years of my life in a few months. no, really. a lot.

at my mom's house i read an unquiet mind, memoirs by a well-known psychiatrist about her history with manic-depression, & black like me which i've been meaning to read as (in my opinion) a counterpart to nickel & dimed. i also read half of how sex changed: a history of transsexuality in the u.s. on the plane. i listened to a lot of fleetwood mac because it was one thing my mom & i could agree on. we watched you can count on me, which was quite good, & auntie mame which is a holiday tradition.

ps. southern accents are so loaded with emotions for me. geez.