remember to breathe.

[subjective]

i just cannot think what to write here lately.

five bad things.
one: inability to schedule things, for various reasons, today especially. i hate last-minute plans.

two: inability to successfully navigate group dynamics, pretty much across the board. when i start feeling anxious or stupid or just like i'm struggling to connect with people, i give up, then feel bad for ditching friends with no explanation. surely this will pass.

three: missing the effing bus this morning & waiting 20 minutes for the next one, which was so crammed with people that i had to stand in the stairwell next to the driver & de-board at every stop so others could get on & off without trampling me. result: late to work.

four: crying at the drop of a hat this past week or two. i would like to have some other response to stress/nerves/relief/worry please.

five: how can it already be time for laura to leave?

five good things.
one: satisfying one-on-one conversations with various people. all is not lost.

two: i'm working on a new issue of stc & the writing is finally starting to fall into place. i can't tell if this one will be fairly short or fucking long.

three: there is a splitzine in the works & it might be called "riles & tobes take over the world!" or it might be called "the life & times of jim varney." but only if riley drugs me.

four: enough people to listen to me go on & on about gender stuff & never tell me it's getting old & always being really rock-steady.

five: vacation, all i ever wanted.

Comments

[oblivionjen.livejournal.com]

hey. i've been crying at the drop of a hat lately, too. but i love you. :**

[explode.livejournal.com]

you are rock steady!

Ernest Goes to Boston and Makes a Zine

[lionpluslamb.livejournal.com]

Kid, I am totally saving up noogies for you, which will be unleashed in a month's time. If you're lucky, I'll bring my tape of Ernest Goes to Jail.

And let's all pray for a long STC. That way, there will be more for me to read over and over and over and over and over.

kava kava

[srl.livejournal.com]

Gender stuff sucks. I know what you mean about talking off the ears of various friends; it's been like that for me lately too. Ergh. Hang in there.

I've just re-remembered the usefulness of kava kava for dealing with stress (gender and otherwise), though; I recommend it highly. Get the good, concentrated liquid; it'll cost you a pretty penny but it's totally worth it. Tastes like ass, but some hot tea or a glass of water as a chaser usually removes most of the aftertaste. Harnett's in Harvard Square is where I got mine, but I'm sure most of the local natural food shops will have it.

Re: kava kava

[subjective.livejournal.com]

is that also the stuff people use for insomnia? does it make you feel drowsy, or just relaxed, or what?

kava kava

[srl.livejournal.com]

Yeah, same stuff. If you use enough of it at a time, it'll put you to sleep, but (as with most herbs) dosages vary per person. If I get my dose right, it just sort of... mellows me out without making me drowsy or slow-feeling. The (also genderqueer) friend who introduced me to it compares it to weed, but without the brain-fuzziness.