in/appropriate.

[subjective]

today is the transgender day of remembrance & all i can feel is ambivalent & critical.

i want to recognize the awesome power of seeing a link to the gender.org site on about a third of my friends list today. i don't ever want to take community & allies for granted.

but i want us to think about when transpeople are discussed on days that are not today. and i want us to think about when transpeople are seen & heard, and not just "remembered." i guess i keep coming back to that sticky question: who is the we? who is the we that needs to be reminded to remember that transpeople die violent deaths? who is the we that needs to be "familiarized" with these murders?

i feel like the bad tranny for putting these questions out there, for demanding more of allies i already should be fucking grateful to have. of course i will be at the vigil tonight, to seek some healing from collective mourning, as i have the past two years. but then who is going to remind "us" to remember tomorrow?

Comments

[adrienmundi]

As shocking as this undoubtedly is by now, I tend to agree with your assessment. I want a hell of a lot more than "Well, A is oddly trans, and trans people tend to suffer violence more than most, so lets take a moment for our friend to keep that in mind today". Sure, sympathy is nice, but I don't want to be cast as a victim in anyone's mind.

If it makes you a bad tranny to ask important questions, can I join your camp?

[subjective.livejournal.com]

i think we've been camping together for a while now, actually. take care, a.

[redrider.livejournal.com]

i've been thinking some similar thoughts, and don't think you're being the bad tranny in your critique. i agree that we (allies) need to do more than remember once a year, and that it seems like that remembering (in a daily way) should be a given -- that it's not too much for you to ask to ask to be seen, heard, recognized, consulted, supported or argued with, hugged, etc.

i wish i had a better answer about the 'we' & the 'us' in the rhetoric here.

xox a.

indeed.

[srl.livejournal.com]

And what about those of us who *are* trans, who remember every fucking day about the struggles we go through just to live? I don't want to remember; mostly i want to forget how hard this is and just live my life. I don't need to be reminded about the people who lost their battles.

I feel like a bad tranny for not wanting to go, for thinking it's more self-preserving to stay away, but that I'll be doing my community a disservice by not adding my presence. It's almost 5pm and I still don't know if I'll go.

[digitalchicana.livejournal.com]

i love you.

[lionpluslamb.livejournal.com]

Yes x12341342343425, Tobercat. There was a vigil here, but instead of standing around and feeling like ass, I was in rehearsal, celebrating that I am not dead by banging the snot out of some timpani and other assorted items. It was good.

[lizdefiance.livejournal.com]

heya,

i just wanted to write a note to let you know that i added you to my friends list again. i had you on when you were under yr old username, and i just stumbled upon this again tonight. so, hi.

i wish i would have known about the day of rememberence before it was actually here. i guess i've been out of the loop. it was really nice to see at least a dozen mentions of it on my friends list today. i just wish i was more prepared. i know every day can be rememberence day, though.

[thecherrybomb.livejournal.com]

i'm glad you put those questions out there. you just said really well some of the stuff i had been thinking about (and something i hadn't thought about explicitly). had i read this before the vigil in kingston i would have asked those questions specifically, i didn't do a good job at articulating myself last night.

i think these questions should be raised more often. and i think the other 364 days a year need to be a bigger focus.

[subjective.livejournal.com]

hey alana, thanks for the kind words. i don't like dualities & binaries so maybe it's not really fair of me to frame this in we/us terms. i guess it's just like, who needs to be reminded to remember, who has the luxury/privilege to forget?

but i'm critical of everything these days, & i'm sure you can relate. xo.

Re: indeed.

[subjective.livejournal.com]

did you wind up going? the question you ask in the first sentence above is exactly what i was getting at in asking "who is the we?" take care.

[subjective.livejournal.com]

this nearly made me cry. thank you noemi, it's mutual.

[subjective.livejournal.com]

good for you, riles. i liked your lj entry on the dor too. which is hardly surprising.

[subjective.livejournal.com]

hi liz. there's lotsa info up at the gender.org site if you want to organize some sort of educational outreach any day of the year. xo.

[subjective.livejournal.com]

i wish i could've heard your talk last night. i left you a mushy comment on your journal. <3

Re: indeed.

[srl.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I wound up going; I was across the aisle from you to the left, actually. (The single person with the bike helmet and bags.)

I haven't quite figured out how I felt about the whole thing. I didn't go on the march, because I had to get home (to Arlington by bike)--- but.... uh. It was less depressing than I thought it was going to be, I think. Not sure on that though. I'd be into talking more about it, I just don't know what I have to say.

Re: indeed.

[subjective.livejournal.com]

!! i wish you'd have said hi. i was suffering from shyness all night, but it would've been good to meet you. i've been thinking about it a lot, i definitely had some issues with some stuff. maybe i'll post about it in a day or two, if i can get my thoughts together coherently.

Re: indeed.

[srl.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but it's kinda odd to walk up to someone you only know online and say, "Hi, I'm this person who reads your stuff but we've never actually met." Not wanting to be a freak in person, and all.

Of course, we could do coffee sometime or something. :)