(no subject)

[subjective]

this morning while i was eating breakfast i realized that for the first time i can ever remember, i feel better being with other people than being alone. i have been feeling very on edge & vulnerable & jumpy these past couple of months, & the feelings are heightened when i'm alone. i have this sort of persistent feeling of oncoming dread and/or anxiety, like something is going to happen but i don't know what or when. i don't like feeling this way. but more, i don't like feeling like i need other people around me to decrease these feelings. i have always been staunchly self-sufficient & hyper-sensitive about dependency on other people.

i'm pretty sure i know the factors that are causing this, but that doesn't make it any better. i think i'll try to start doing morning meditation again & see if that helps me calm down in general.

went to practice last night for the first time in over a month. fucking sore today. a lot of my flexibility came back as soon as i got warmed up & started sweating, but my calves & ankles have tightened up a lot. sofy & i ate burritos & watched dogtown & z-boys on the big tv. much swooning ensued.

Comments

Spirit hugs and vasty fields of love, S.

[(Anonymous)]

Did you hear about the cow who liked to drink ink?
She mooed indigo.
Sorry, S.

[on-reserve.livejournal.com]

i'm glad you're somewhat more comfy going out. i like seeing you out an about. you have one of the bestest smiles i've ever seen. in fact, not getting to see you as much is kind of one of the main downers of moving out. that and not getting to see shan as much.